Terrified

Ok so I found out today that a soldier in Steve's brigade was killed the other day. He was shot off base. The man was only 32 years old and left a wife and three children. These men have only been there for a month and one has already been killed. I am terrified that something will happen to Steve. I pray each day that I dont have 2 men in uniform at my door to give me bad news. I dont know what im going to do if something happens to him. He is my life. Hes not doing too well at all. He's not sleeping well and he has bad dreams. This mans death has us both freaked out. His deployment is almost half way done and I just want it to be over so bad. I want him home so bad. I miss him and I need him. Why cant everything just be over and this war be over. I hate this whole thing. I am so scared and I dont know what to do.

Friday Nite

Ok so friday night i am sitting at home doing school work and its about 9pm. Theres two apts under me that are loud with partys so im trying to ignore them so i can get some work done. well all of the sudden i hear two guys yelling at each other screaming. the one guy was yelling that he was gona kill the other one so the other guy said to him "slit my throat". Needless to say i called my dad cuz i was scared. And finally decided to pack my bags and go to my parents where i would be safe. I called my landlord and he failed to call me back. So the next two nights were hard for me to fall asleep. I was scared for my life. I talked to the landlord today about it tho. He had already spoken with the tenant. I guess what happened is the tennants friend showed up drunk and he wouldnt let him in so his friend was knocking on the other two doors down stairs with his pants down. Apt. b just ignored him but loked through his peep hole to see what was going on. Then in apt c. the girl answered and the guy then told her he should rape her. so the tenant in apt b came out and fliped out on the guy and finnaly the new tenant in apt a came out too and told his friend to leave. It was loud and crazy and scarey. Im probably confused everyone with this post. Needless to say my landlord said hes going to kick the guy out so it will be peaceful again and i wont be scared once that happens. Unfortunitly hes still there for tonight and for however much longer so i have to still deal with it all. I hate being alone. It seams like i never have enough stress cuz i keep getting more and more and more. I feel like i am going to freak out or something. Im getting emotional all the time and sooner or later i am going to have a melt down. I have no idea what to do. I have no time for anything... not even to go see a doctor. I work 6 days a week and have class on the seventh day and in between all of that i have so much school work its crazy. I am tired all the time, im sick with allergies, my eyes have been bloodshot for days. I really am losing it. And its not a good time to lose it. Ben is leaving on the 25th for his mission and thats more stress. So i guess im totally going crazy with this post now. Sorry, i am just writing out my fustrations. When will i get a break though? When is it my turn to breath? When can i take care of myself? I spend 6 days a week doing things for other people. But i have NO time to take care of myself. Man i really need a vacation?? Only like 3 months till graduation then i can breath... if i make it to three months before i freakout.

25 random facts about myself

1. I married my high school sweetheart and my soul mate
2. I have the greatest family anyone could ask for and nothing could change that
3. I feel like i really dont have any friends
4. My life has always been full of depression... I just hide it well
5. I am mad at God for taking my Brother from me
6. I hate the way i look and which i could change a lot of physical things about me
7. I am not patient
8. I love to clean when i am stressed out...it helps relax me
9. I did aweful in highschool, but now in college i am doing very well... its the one thing i am proud of
10. I am afraid of being alone
11. I am afraid of clowns...dont know why i just am
12. My mom is my hero
13. My husband is in Iraq and I miss him so much
14. I have wonderful nephews and nieces
15. I can not wait to have a child of my own
16. I hate school and i can not wait to graduate from the masters program
17. I love to golf... i just started learning
18. I miss photography... i used to love taking photos
19. I feel like every time things start to go right....something bad happens
20. I wish i would get more motivated to exercise
21. I am going to miss my brother Ben when he goes on his mission
22. I love spring and summer
23. Pink is my favorite color
24. I feel like everything is falling apart
25. I fear that one day Im gonna have 2 soldiers at my door giving me the worst news of my life